Where Shadows Play

Here’s to the Journey

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Hello lovelies. I’m kind of going through a life changing experience that I thought I’d like to share. “Life changing” seems a bit dramatic, but my experience has to do with just that: I have no idea what I want out of life! I’ve kind of lost myself lately, or maybe I’m just finding out who I am! But I grabbed a marker the other night when I was getting lost in my own head and jotted this down! So this post is for anyone who can relate:

“I am 23. At least I’m about to be, and I have no idea who I am! Or even who I want to be. If you would have asked me as a junior in college who I was, and even what I wanted to be, I could have given you a clear answer to both. Its funny the way life works. It seems the younger we are, the more clearly we know ourselves. We have our dreams and our plans, and we spend our childhood growing up to chase them. But then we grow up, and its like we lose ourselves.

Now that I’m out in the world, I have no idea what I want to get out of it! I feel like I’ve lost myself. And its wonderful, exciting, nauseating and scary as hell! In kindergarten I said I wanted to be a Fashion Designer, and my life after that was truly stepping stones to that end. I went to school for fashion design and created tirelessly for four years. It was exhausting and frustrating, mind-bending and intense, and I loved it all. But its like I’ve lost my passion lately. I work a retail job, because I can’t get one in my field. And I hate it. Its hell feeling like you’ve already failed at 23!

But the more I think about it, the more I don’t know if thats what I want! I may not be able to define myself, but when I think about what makes me happy its not living in New York, working in a face-paced building thats surrounded by other buildings. And its not having a prestigious job and being a famous fashion Β designer. Its living somewhere warm and beautiful surrounded by nature. Its helping people, loving animals, creating, working out and doing yoga. And THAT scares me! What kind of job would that even be?!

I don’t know what will make me happy. But I do believe it is possible to love your job and your life! I am standing at the beginning of my journey. The important thing is to remind myself to keep moving forward! I don’t have to know where my feet will land, I just have to trust that they will! I don’t at all believe it will be easy (it already isn’t). But I will continue to believe it will be worth it! Hopefully in losing myself, I will find out exactly who I’m meant to be.”

Trust the journey xx

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